One of 'those' days...

...created exclusively for me by 'them, they, those bastards'.

Today wasn't the worst thing ever. Not even close.

Here, let's put it in perspective using today's political environment and a little pop-culture.
-I was never shot at today. Not by an American soldier, Iraqi, Al Qaeda or gang-member. Not even a pissed off student.
-I was not insulted today by Rosie O'Donnell, Donald Trump or even Elizabeth Hasselbeck.
-I was not questioned or forced to debate at any point today. Not over political or personal decisions I've made.
-No one has claimed my novel to be the work of the devil and asked it to be banned from elementary schools' libraries and reading lists.

Ok - so all that being said - here's how my day went:

Woke up. (problem #1 with my day :) )
The cute banker at the bank (obviously) is still married. And still shakes hands a bit too firmly.
Ingrid (Husqvarna lawnmower) had a dead battery. After instruction via cell phone with Jeff, she is charging.
I decide to move on to mowing the pool area which doesn't employ Ingrid, but instead an old fashioned push mower with a bag. I can't start said mower.
Call to dad. Dad informs of location of prime. Primed is pumped? Is that a sentence? Pulling the starter string while talking to dad is a mistake. Said cell phone (attached to my hip or ear for the past 2 years) goes flying. Broken cell phone. Lawnmower starts.
Call to Verizon for replacement phone. Told by useful customer service rep that her hands are tied and I should look for a deal on EBay.
Visit with USCellular here in town reveals that it would be cheaper to cancel plan with Verizon and get new plan with USCellular for a new phone. Sad but true. I agree and sign papers.
Call to Verizon. I'm forwarded to the loyalty department who agrees to send me a phone nicer than the one I just bought at USCellular. For free. I just have to wait 2 days. I can do that for free-ness.
Visit with USCellular to back out of contract signed 2 hours early. Luckily they agree.
Trip to Pioneer to buy new battery for Ingrid. Old one would never charge.
Home to find cranky campers upset that I took my lunch, because they want to check in before check-in time. (That's right - this is all before 1:00 pm).
Cranky campers distract me and I lose important bolts for installing new battery.
"Screw it!" I will mow with old cruddy green riding lawn mower. Which won't start.
At this point, I give up and watch Dr. Phil and Oprah.
Luckily Jeff was able to supply new bolts. Tomorrow I will mow. Tonight I will enjoy Margaritas. And be grateful that Donald Trump never insulted me.