here we are

Months later...

And soon little baby girl (or possibly boy) Skylar Jade will be here! It's amazing at the things that are changing, between the new niece and Mom and Dad's complete lifestyle change as Dad starts his new job, things feel a little crazy.

I am enjoying my new hobby and pretty much every week I am canning something. This winter, Todd and I will have fresh summer salsa, pickled beets (YUMMMM), dill pickles, zucchini relish and strawberry jam to enjoy. (I wonder if winter is easier to get through if you get to eat delicious summer vegetables?) And I'm not done yet. I am patiently waiting for Rod's pears to be ready for picking and then hold on to your hats, we'll have pear crunch, pear butter, pear sauce, pear jam... we'll probably have pear coming out of our pores.

The reasons I like this hobby is pretty basic really, but I think it's intrinsic to my personality to try new things to see if I can do it. (Can we say "idiot boots"?) I also think that, although there is money involved, I am creating something completely practical and useful. Plus the adoration! Oh, my goodness! You give someone a jar of homemade strawberry jam and you would think you gave them your first born!

Love and strawberry jam to you all!

My two faces

So I think (I hope) we all have at least 2 faces. I definitely do. I don't have secrets (well, I do... but they won't be revealed on the interwebs anytime soon, I hope.) But I do have facets I keep hidden. Mostly out of fear and societal pressures. I have a stong fear of judgement - from potential in-laws (not you Tara - but Todd's parents). After the debacle with Hricko's parents, I feel like it's too easy to hate me if you don't agree or appreciate my facets. Or fear of judgement from people who barely know me but are Facebook 'friends'. I shouldn't care. But I don't want people to think they have a full picture of me based on one status or silly statement. It wouldn't be the first time it happened. Anyway - here are some of my hidden 'things' facets or things I want to share but don't.

Sometimes, when I sit down on 'strange' toilets I feel like they are too short, and then I think I'm a giant. And I so gradually became a giant, that even I didn't notice. And then I think don't ever tell anyone this.

Sometimes, when I see someone with a cast I want to punch them or push them over, just to see if it would hurt. And sometimes I want to do it to cast an air of intimidation.

Sometimes I hear a song lyric and I want to spread the word about the great song. Even if it doesn't really represent my mood or even the music that I typically like.

Sometimes, I have very childish urges - like the great idea to pull the fire alarm. I would never act on them, but then I think - what if I thought about it so much I accidentally did it.

I also have the tendency to have day-mares. It's like daydreams, but I will think of something bad and then I will think of all the outcomes and when I find the worst, then I will imagine my response, then the next bad thing will happen, then my reaction and so on. I can spend hours playing this game.

When I try to do something, and I fail or am in the process of failing or look back and think I failed, I want to give up. I don't think I quit easily but I think I get frustrated easily.

I have trust issues.

I think that's all I want to share for now. Feel free to respond with some of your craziness.

life and death

So that's a heavy title.

The good of this week has been really good. Mom and Dad are home. Everything seems to make more sense when they are around. My bunny Loco had 6 healthy babies and is taking great care of them. I had a real fear that some babies would be born unhealthy and the humane thing to do is to .... I'm trying to think of the right word...I guess euthanize is the right word if they are born malformed. You see, the ones that are not formed correctly will still drink mama's milk, but they are not going to live. So then the others would not be as strong. Anyway - the good news is I didn't need to even worry about that. She made some great babies and she is doing a great job as a mom. Todd got a job this week. A huge great thing. It stinks a little because for the first time in our relationship, our time is constrained by scheduling, but we have to make it work until something changes.

The death part of this blog is both sad and scary. Two weeks ago, LJ's grandpa died. He was old and not well - had suffered with Alzheimer's since we were in college. So it wasn't a shock, but is still sad. This week Kate's (another friend from high school that I stay in touch with) dad died. Suddenly. He was born in 1949. Makes him 61 right? Yes. (I'm bad at 'years' math.) I feel so sad for Kate and LJ. LJ's grandpa dying reminded me of when Grandpa Jerry died. The sickness was sudden .. or seemed sudden to me, so it's not alike in that way, but I ... just can really put myself back in that time. Then Kate's dad. Well, I can't understand that. I just know that it is scary that one of my friends, someone I have spent probably literally thousands of hours with had to bury her parent. I know that moms and dads die all the time. I understand that car accidents happen and planes crash and people get sick. But to die suddenly? A mom or dad of someone my age? I just re-read that and I sound rediculous. I know that people of my parent's age die all the time. I guess it just really made me consider my own family's mortality and my age in a more unflattering light. I don't like to think about these things.

Love you all.

What a week!

I've been so busy! Day job - check, campground on Friday - check, My taxes - check, Cari's taxes - check, working on a friend's computer - check(well, this one is still in progress - but it counts!) And FISHING! No catching, but happy to be out there in the sun, pretending all this winter ugliness is over. I do sometimes wonder if something is wrong with me... I mean, more than the obvious. I feel so much better when it's sunny and warm, I'm more easy-going and agreeable, more patient, more understanding. So I turn to my old friend Google:

According to Mayo Clinic:

Fall and winter seasonal affective disorder (winter depression)
Winter-onset seasonal affective disorder symptoms include:

• Depression
• Hopelessness
• Anxiety
• Loss of energy
• Social withdrawal
• Oversleeping
• Loss of interest in activities you once enjoyed
• Appetite changes, especially a craving for foods high in carbohydrates
• Weight gain
• Difficulty concentrating and processing information

Hmm. I don't think I am actually 'depressed' when it's winter... all I am 'hoping' for is Spring. I'm 'anxious' for warmer weather. I lack the 'energy' to do anything but dream. All the cool 'social' activities require better weather. Might as well go back to 'sleep' until spring. How could you 'enjoy the spring activities' in this frigid weather? I always 'crave carbohydrates'. Look...aren't we all 'gaining a little weight'?...What were we talking about, I can't 'concentrate'.

Crap.

Going once, going twice... SOLD!

I went to a "Storage Wars"-style auction today with Rod... it was cold, cold, cold, but interesting and fun. If you haven't seen the show, it's about people who own storage units are auctioning off units that are in default. I find the show interesting for several reasons:

1) I think other people's stuff is interesting - I love going through storage units that are in default. Even though it's usually junk that gets trashed or donated, it's still interesting to see what people thought was worth saving - and paying to save (which is usually the most mind-boggling part).

2) I like reality TV - I know that that's not 'cool', but I really think it's more about other people's thought processes and dramas. It's nice to watch it, laugh about it and, yes, even think about it. And yet... not to be involved with it or have any impact on my life from it. Very tempting to me.

3) Ah, the old gold prospector. If you've followed this blog or ever seen me (ever) you know I am poor. The idea that these people can pay $600 or $700 for a unit and literally turn it around into $10,000 plus ... amazing. Just makes me dream that someday I will fall into money without any real effort.

4) Education - being involved in these storage units, it doesn't hurt to see some of the things that other people are able to sell for big money (but our storage units are usually whammies).

Anyway, today's trip to Salina's storage auctions really wasn't all that exciting. They open the door and you are allowed to look, but you can't go in or touch - then the auction begins. The most exciting things were a wheelbarrow (I didn't realize how much I want a wheelbarrow until this morning...) and a tankless water heater. Rod bid it up to $300 but without being able to look at it, couldn't tell if it was wort anything. That unit went for $370. I was actually a little disappointed by the auction because the show has me spoiled for seeing the full story from bid to new-found treasure to a sale and I have no idea if those people were buying to turn a profit or because they just wanted the stuff they could see. There was a large turn-out and most of the people were having side conversations about the show. It's kind of amazing the impact that TV can have on a ... well, I can't think of the right word.... situation. In the past, I would bet at 9:00 Saturday morning at 27 degrees... well, I would bet the turnout would've been small. But... today, under those circumstances, there was probably 40 people.... hoping to find gold in an old box.

Tata.