I once was sick.... but now I am well. (take 2)

First off - let me say that I had started to blog this, and then the page refreshed and deleted my entry. Which sucks. And it was brilliant - and now it's going to have lost all it's spontaneity. And won't be as funny. I remember the really high points... but well... I'll let you know when I'm done with this post how much you are missing out on.

I am finally not sick. Wow... that sentence was way better in the 1st blog. Somehow this weekend (I don't know how, ok?!) I caught strep throat. Or maybe I had it for awhile and it finally came to head Monday and Tuesday. At it's high, my temperature was 103 degrees. My eyeballs were melting. I don't remember the last time I was that hot. Not since high school. Bah-dum-bump. But, seriously folks, thank goodness my parents are here because I just slept the last 2 days away. Another sincere shout-out goes to Alexander Fleming, the discover-er of pencillan (the use of it as a medicine props go to Howard Walter Florey) and to Dr. Biggs, the prescriber-er. I'm feeling much better. Shoot. I know this paragraph was better in take 1.

In other news - a couple of days ago I teased you with the idea of me being a cowboy and my parents being a pirate. I didn't get to be a cowboy- although maybe someday I will so I won't reveal too much about it here (mainly because then when I tell it in the blog it will be the 3rd iteration. Which would be that much less funny. ) But my parents did get to be pirates. They went on a poker run - which is a cool thing that I had never heard of before I came to Kansas but I hope they go on forever and ever. For those of you who have also not heard of them - you go from bar to bar (on a motorcyle, wearing bandanas - hence the pirate below)


You drive to the bar with the other motorcylists...like a gang. My mom is either a pirate or a member of the crips. Or bloods. I can never keep my gangs straight. At each bar (or restaurant I guess) you get get a poker card and at the end of five bars whoever has the best poker hand wins a pot. Not a cooking pot, but a gambling pot. The remainder of the entry fees goes to charity. There are several reasons why this is good:
1)Gambling for charity is the kind of sinning God likes.
2)Motorcyclers who drink too much and then drive in a gang....well, call it thinning the herd.
3)Bandannas aren't just for pirates and bassett hounds anymore - they are also for your mom!
4)When a gang of motorcyclers comes into a bar that on a good day makes 100, 200 bucks, it must be a great day when there's a poker run. I'd bet it's pretty lucrative.
Mom and dad didn't have the best poker hand at the end of the ride - but they had a good time. This was mom's first and she said she'd do it again, so that's pretty telling. The told me some tales (probably tall) so that I could blog about it and give you guys something interesting to read:
* A lady (large lady) was driving a Harley and it fell over on her. Mom and dad helped to pick it up - she promptly left them holding it to go get her husband. I told mom and dad they should have driven off - some Harley owner would've given us at least $45 for the spare parts, or scrap metal is expensive these days, ya know.
* There was probably about 100 riders. Can you imagine being a bartender at one of these places?
* This is note-worthy, but should it be? I don't know. There was one man who was riding on the 'Bitch' seat (not my label), while the motorcycle was driven by his woman. I can only imagine the jokes he had to endure.
* There was one extremely large Harley driver who decided to risk road-rash and sunburn and take his shirt off. And his pants were slung low. This is one point I wish my mom had snapped a photo to offer Dan Judy his required proof. They could hear the other riders yelling "Just say no!" and "Dude, put your shirt on!" Like a train wreck, I don't really want to see it...but this would be funnier with the shock of a visual aid. Wow, I don't think I've used the word visual aid since high school.

Speaking of shock, we turn now to George Carlin. I think George Carlin is hilarious and he is probably one of the first celebrities that I was actually saddened by his death. Although, maybe not. I was never a huge fan of Meet the Press. I liked it, but it was always a little too intellectual for me... too much critical thinking makes me sleepy. But after reading and hearing about Tim Russert I thought to myself, it's actually too bad - not just 'cause he was young and 'cause he had a family, but shell-fishly because he sounded like the kinda guy I would've liked to have known.

Anyway - Carlin - great in a completely different way - in what was possibly his last interview, the interviewer asked him for the funniest joke George had ever heard. Stop now if you are easily (or not so much) offended. Well, stop, comment and then come back in 2 or 3 days for the next blog. This is the joke (taken from this blog)he told:

Father and son, little son are out on the back porch, passing the day, father says to son, “Do you have perhaps any questions for me about sex?” And he says, “Well, yeah Dad, what is that hairy area on Mommy?” And the father says, “Well, that’s her vulva.” And the boy says, “Well then what’s a cunt?” And the father says, “That’s rest of Mommy.”

According to George - humor is in the surprise. I agree. He was (is) hilarious. And I'm no stand-up comedian (and I can't tell that joke out loud but I will let you read it) but I hope that I am 1/10 as surprising and funny (and offending) as George Carlin. So this blog was not much of a shock or surprise to me... seeing as how I had to type it twice. But if take 1 was a 10 (which it wasn't, it was probably an 8), this is only a 6.

I hope you chuckled!