Broken Heart

I wish I had no feelings - no heart.

A man walked into a Connecticut elementary school today and killed 20 tiny kids.

Not that it would be ok, if they weren't young.

Three days ago, a guy walked into a Portland mall and randomly shot people in the mall.

I know it's not believable, but I feel so desperately sad when these terrible things happen, it's nearly a physical pain to me.  When the victims' families or the survivors describe their fear, and their relief or sadness depending on the result, I experience it as close to first hand as I ever want to be.  I can't possibly imagine that pain, that panic, but I cry.  I picture Mocket, Sarah, Dean, Sky.  I picture my mom, my dad, my boyfriend, my sisters, my brother, me.

And watching Facebook turn into practically a battle over gun control makes me more sick, more disgusted.  These are human beings and if we could just take a minute to really feel the situation, maybe (I know - this sounds vaguely like hope) the world could be a more compassionate place.  There is no understanding what causes a person to load up with ammo and walk into a mall, a movie theater - definitely not a kindergarten classroom  - and start shooting to kill.  But what if we tried to look at each other as people and see that there is something worth seeing in each other, maybe less people would feel the hate or frustration or loneliness that causes lashing out.  Not just with guns, but road rage, punching someone over someTHING on Black Friday, all those situations that are completely unfathomable for the average person... I just wish (if I have to continue to have feelings), we could all be a little more tender with each other.

We can debate gun control later.