Om Na Mah Shi Va Ya.

Om Namah Shivaya.

I haven't blogged in over a month. And even then, it was one of dad's updates from Philly. So much to say.

In the past month, I have:

Worked... but not as much as I should have.

Visited Atlanta. I loved it - I got to see almost everyone, including a visit with Elton John and Billy Joel. Elton and Billy were looking and sounding great as usual. I was a little surprised when I learned that Elton had given up caffeine, but they both seemed like they were doing very well.

Read... a lot. Right now I am reading Eat, Pray, Love. We can credit that book with the title of this particular entry which is one of the author's mantras. It means "I honor the divinity that resides within me." I know it's touchy-feely and new-age-y, but I like it. And I like the idea that everything good and divine is here... I am "Cassie seeking... " but maybe I am looking in the wrong places? I am really being cheesy and too sensitive today. I should've (or should I ?) read this book immediately after my divorce. I see the things she thinks about herself and is going through and think...she is me. But she should be writing this blog. You guys were all great before, during and after the divorce and break-down... but I did feel pretty alone in my understanding that I was the cause - I failed at something. To hear (read) this amazing woman in Eat, Pray, Love blamed herself... and to see her forgive herself and really stop blaming herself (not just saying she doesn't blame herself)... well, it sounds good to me. :) I've been reading so much because as a bonus, the tax shop gave me a Kindle 2, which I've named BOB. The kindle is an amazing, amazing invention. I bought a bigger purse to carry Bob with me everywhere I go. This past weekend, I literally pulled Bob out in a bar and read. This trip to Atlanta was even more fantastic thanks to Bob. I carried him on ... and was never bored. My flight from Atlanta to Wichita was delayed... I didn't care.

Missed watching Kyler in Rodeo School. That's right - rodeo school. I was working. He rode a bull for about 7 seconds with no hands. I have a video... I have to get it on Youtube.

Gotten the daycare into full swing. We still only have 2 kids, but I had to battle the city a little. I spoke at a city council meeting... twice. We are now approved and licensed and actually - getting the 1st daycarte paychecks this weekend. They are paltry... but ... getting a paycheck feels pretty durn good.

Made an offer on a house... sort of. We called a realtor because with the stimulus package.. it seems like this is a good year to buy. But the realtor has not called us back in the past week... so annoying. We are going to get a new realtor. It's a little outside of town - but not far - like 1/2 a mile and has 3 acres. Plenty of room for horses, pigs, goats, dogs, humans, chickens...

Seen baby chickens born (or hatched as they say in the city). At least 20 chicks came all at the same time and I helped with the hatching...which mostly involved just picking up broken shells...I am very important.

Bought eyeliner. Someday I should grow up and be an adult. I think eyeliner is required in the inventory. I have used it once. Maybe next month I will be an adult.

Have not blogged. And I'm really sorry about that. I am having this internal struggle. I am busy - and I work a lot. But I find time to go out too. And that makes me feel guilty. And blogging feels like something extra. I have always been very good about completely immersing myself when I am reading. I am in the book (or Bob in this case). But most anything else I do for relaxing... I am usually in the back of my head "...Cassie... get to work..." so...if I blog and show and admit how much I've been just thinking about working, instead of actually doing it... well, I will be even harder on myself tomorrow. Which brings me to our closing mantra, also from Eat, Pray, Love: bar far niente. This isn't actually a mantra, just Italian, but it means, "the beauty of doing nothing". I need to learn to experience bar far niente. I do nothing all the time, but the whole time I'm doing it, I'm beating myself up. I need to experience the beauty of it... and deal with all the crap tomorrow. :)